Brand new year, people making resolutions and I got 1 request...
"Anybody who can change your atmosphere has power over you, forgive em." People do not realize the depth of that quote and its sad to think that people will be living with the same routine this year.
My request is that you all practice forgiveness. The bible says God forgives those who forgive others...forgive yourself, forgive others, forgive those people whom you claim got nothing on you yet they make you sour when they come around you.
Let the past be behind you, allow the peace of God to help you forgive yourself 1st so that you'll be able to forgive others... Dare I say welcome to the new year..hell yeah!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
matters of the heart
"Every woman is a little girl at heart, she's looking for the love of a father and if she has never experienced it, she cannot love you right [because she does not know how to]." Pretty heavy words, one might think right?
Well, I'm that little girl. I often find myself in situations where I shut my heart out completely to everyone because I feel as though they do not understand the void that's within me. I often don't know how to respond to people who show me affection because I've never received that affirmation from my biological father and its kinda sad at times because although the people might love/like me, I'm feel insulted by their interest in me.
Sometimes I feel like I should keep knocking on locked doors because only then I feel like I've made myself worthy of that persons love. Its like a guilty conscious I've got, in my head, I've convinced myself that if I do not work hard at making that person like me, I shouldn't have em to begin with.
One would swear I've got a twisted sense of loving but I don't know how to give what I've never received, I don't know how keep a man without worrying that he'll walk out and again I'd be convinced its my fault he left. I don't always know how to respond to overwhelming emotions of affection thus I require someone who will be patient enough to deal with my flaws...
Well, I'm that little girl. I often find myself in situations where I shut my heart out completely to everyone because I feel as though they do not understand the void that's within me. I often don't know how to respond to people who show me affection because I've never received that affirmation from my biological father and its kinda sad at times because although the people might love/like me, I'm feel insulted by their interest in me.
Sometimes I feel like I should keep knocking on locked doors because only then I feel like I've made myself worthy of that persons love. Its like a guilty conscious I've got, in my head, I've convinced myself that if I do not work hard at making that person like me, I shouldn't have em to begin with.
One would swear I've got a twisted sense of loving but I don't know how to give what I've never received, I don't know how keep a man without worrying that he'll walk out and again I'd be convinced its my fault he left. I don't always know how to respond to overwhelming emotions of affection thus I require someone who will be patient enough to deal with my flaws...
Monday, December 19, 2011
IBM
Naturally when an individual grows up, you realise that your perception is slightly clouded by your lack of exposure. I mean u grow up with this ideal partner in mind and throughout your life you look for nothing less or different from that which you had pictured typical right?
Well then news flash, ever wondered why you're still roaming around from 1 fling to another? Why it almost appears as though nobody is adequate enough for you? Its not even a matter of settling for less than what you deserve, it is the lack of option, you've got your head so far into this IBM that you neglect the fact that everyone has flaws.
You're looking for superficial individual who don't exist, be realistic, stop looking for love in all the wrong places, your "type" is keeping you single.
Well then news flash, ever wondered why you're still roaming around from 1 fling to another? Why it almost appears as though nobody is adequate enough for you? Its not even a matter of settling for less than what you deserve, it is the lack of option, you've got your head so far into this IBM that you neglect the fact that everyone has flaws.
You're looking for superficial individual who don't exist, be realistic, stop looking for love in all the wrong places, your "type" is keeping you single.
Friday, December 16, 2011
honesty is not always the best policy
Doesn't the truth make you feel small? I mean sometimes telling the truth is a bit of an inconvenience. Knowing it and being able to do anything about it makes you compromise just about everything you are yet you still feel compelled to keep it to yourself.
What good does the truth bring you if you can't put it to good use or any use at all?
What good does the truth bring you if you can't put it to good use or any use at all?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
she means nothing to him
What's a woman to do with a man that don't want her right? I mean she's done it all to mend broken fences but he's unforgiving. He has become so bitter he can't even pin-point what is he's mad at to begin with.
She pokes, he responds; kind hearted but with caution. He claims to have moved on but even he knows that the one he's vibing with means nothing to him yet he pursues her to numb these bitter-sweet emotions.
She's more than willing to make the right decision for her and her ability to feel anything for anyone other than herself but she stalls, lingers and waits because she's confident that underneath that facade he's just as curious as she is.
Who's to say who's right and who's wrong. Who's to say he's even honest with her to begin with.
She pokes, he responds; kind hearted but with caution. He claims to have moved on but even he knows that the one he's vibing with means nothing to him yet he pursues her to numb these bitter-sweet emotions.
She's more than willing to make the right decision for her and her ability to feel anything for anyone other than herself but she stalls, lingers and waits because she's confident that underneath that facade he's just as curious as she is.
Who's to say who's right and who's wrong. Who's to say he's even honest with her to begin with.
Monday, December 12, 2011
happy ending
Read these most heart hitting quote earlier "you're chasing a happy ending you don't deserve" pretty heavy hey? I swear I felt the echo in my head hours later and well...they're still echoing.
Its so typical of us human being to walk around feeling like we deserve certain measures to be put in place for our fulfillment without working towards guaranteeing those measures. I mean everyone wants to be loved and wants someone to love they way they wanna be loved but nobody puts an effort into securing the kind of love they want.
How's your future wife/husband supposed to know how to love you the right way or love you at all when you don't give back the kinda loving they are willing to offer you. Its easy of us to assume the kinda roles we want our partners to take up but how are you assuring your partner that its a give and take typa arrangement?
Relationships ought to be inter-dependent. She/he needs to know its exclusively between the two you. If only 1 person carries the weight of the relationship, it is not love and none of yol deserve to even chase this "happy ending"
Its so typical of us human being to walk around feeling like we deserve certain measures to be put in place for our fulfillment without working towards guaranteeing those measures. I mean everyone wants to be loved and wants someone to love they way they wanna be loved but nobody puts an effort into securing the kind of love they want.
How's your future wife/husband supposed to know how to love you the right way or love you at all when you don't give back the kinda loving they are willing to offer you. Its easy of us to assume the kinda roles we want our partners to take up but how are you assuring your partner that its a give and take typa arrangement?
Relationships ought to be inter-dependent. She/he needs to know its exclusively between the two you. If only 1 person carries the weight of the relationship, it is not love and none of yol deserve to even chase this "happy ending"
Saturday, November 26, 2011
a mother's lesson.
In my 19 years of existence I've come across an awful number of people who find me "out of touch with my emotions" some have gone as far as call me slightly heartless and I admit, its a little uncalled for. They don't know my story, they are observing from the outside and I can't blame them.
For me, its always been about the lessons that I didn't sit down over cup of latte with my mother that shape me. If anything, I find myself daring when it comes to how carry myself out...mentally and emotionally.
My mother never taught me how to love nor forgive, I figured it out along the path of existence. I mumble things, stumble here and there when it comes to matters of forgiveness and love and frankly, I'm doing relatively well. I tuck in whatever I don't wanna feel and throw tantrums whenever I need to express em.
No amount of education nor money could ever equip one [me] for these encounters. When I chose to be independent, I decided how I want to react and interact with such emotions and I find it utterly disrespectful for people to question my state of loving on the bases of how I want to display my lessons.
For me, its always been about the lessons that I didn't sit down over cup of latte with my mother that shape me. If anything, I find myself daring when it comes to how carry myself out...mentally and emotionally.
My mother never taught me how to love nor forgive, I figured it out along the path of existence. I mumble things, stumble here and there when it comes to matters of forgiveness and love and frankly, I'm doing relatively well. I tuck in whatever I don't wanna feel and throw tantrums whenever I need to express em.
No amount of education nor money could ever equip one [me] for these encounters. When I chose to be independent, I decided how I want to react and interact with such emotions and I find it utterly disrespectful for people to question my state of loving on the bases of how I want to display my lessons.
16 days of activism
So, we're back to the 16 days of activism against women and children abuse *long blank stare* seriously? Let me just recap on what happens every year at this particular time and for the next 14 days.
1. People act like the actually give a fudge about abused women and children.
2. South Africa spends money on creating ads that "create an awareness"
3. For 16 days, people who know nothing about abuse suddenly have an opinion.
Yeah, that's about it. I honestly still don't why all this waste of time and resources is necessary. As long as you've never been in position of abuse, you'll never fully understand people who are abused on a daily base. No amount of awareness and trash talk will influence an abuser to quit abusing people. It won't happen!
South Africa really needs to get over this obsession it has with patronizing women and trying to lift em up on some glass ground. Notice how its always "women this, women that?" Aren't they tired of always being the victims? Like seriously? What's with women and children that makes em the center of the universe? And konje who's against em in any case? Sure, we're all aware of the abuse rate in South Africa, we're also aware that seemingly the victims enjoy being victimized because no fully fleshed person would wanna hang around someone who mistreats em unless they feel as though they owe it to the person ill treating em...and well in most cases they silly women feel they deserve to be treated that way because "I love him"
So why do we bother. Why do we pause normal tv viewing with excruciating ads on how "I survived my abusive boyfriend" why do we even care about people don't mind playing small to someone else. Caring on their behalf won't make feel any more worthy of something better that what their living with.
I look forward to investing money in gambling institution.
1. People act like the actually give a fudge about abused women and children.
2. South Africa spends money on creating ads that "create an awareness"
3. For 16 days, people who know nothing about abuse suddenly have an opinion.
Yeah, that's about it. I honestly still don't why all this waste of time and resources is necessary. As long as you've never been in position of abuse, you'll never fully understand people who are abused on a daily base. No amount of awareness and trash talk will influence an abuser to quit abusing people. It won't happen!
South Africa really needs to get over this obsession it has with patronizing women and trying to lift em up on some glass ground. Notice how its always "women this, women that?" Aren't they tired of always being the victims? Like seriously? What's with women and children that makes em the center of the universe? And konje who's against em in any case? Sure, we're all aware of the abuse rate in South Africa, we're also aware that seemingly the victims enjoy being victimized because no fully fleshed person would wanna hang around someone who mistreats em unless they feel as though they owe it to the person ill treating em...and well in most cases they silly women feel they deserve to be treated that way because "I love him"
So why do we bother. Why do we pause normal tv viewing with excruciating ads on how "I survived my abusive boyfriend" why do we even care about people don't mind playing small to someone else. Caring on their behalf won't make feel any more worthy of something better that what their living with.
I look forward to investing money in gambling institution.
Friday, November 25, 2011
cursed
People tend to refer to me as "insensitive" when I address issues regarding suicide and honestly I couldn't care less. I could never feel anything for anyone who takes his own life; Nothing! I mean, how inconsiderate can one be ye?
I find suicidal people self-centered and merely cowards. We all have issues that seem impossible to overcome but if we all decided to do away with our own lives, what lessons do we learn, how do you acquire a sense victory over anything?
I detest them. Hate em with every bone under my skin. My dad is actually the worst of the lot. Did he even consider his kids. The sooner people grasp the concept that "their lives is not their own," the sooner they'll learn that their actions subconsciously affect those that are around them. At the end of the day even the bible declares that "cursed is the man who hangs himself on a tree"
You are not a conqueror, you're a selfish pathetic excuse of a human being. Dare I say "rot in hell?" Yea, you don't deserve a "deserve a happily ever after"
I find suicidal people self-centered and merely cowards. We all have issues that seem impossible to overcome but if we all decided to do away with our own lives, what lessons do we learn, how do you acquire a sense victory over anything?
I detest them. Hate em with every bone under my skin. My dad is actually the worst of the lot. Did he even consider his kids. The sooner people grasp the concept that "their lives is not their own," the sooner they'll learn that their actions subconsciously affect those that are around them. At the end of the day even the bible declares that "cursed is the man who hangs himself on a tree"
You are not a conqueror, you're a selfish pathetic excuse of a human being. Dare I say "rot in hell?" Yea, you don't deserve a "deserve a happily ever after"
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